And then the heavens openeth up…

Holy crap!

We’ve gotten SO MUCH rain lately. I wanted to post photos of what’s turning out to be quite the flood,  but my internet at home is hosed, so I couldn’t upload the photos to my blog. The Fox River, which runs through the heart of my town, is overflowing at an incredible rate. It’s completely overflowed into a couple of our town parks, and people with houses next to the river are looking mighty nervous.

The village is distributing sandbags all over town, and some people have started piling them up in an effort to save their houses. It’s a real mess, and what’s worse is there’s heavy rain predicted today, on top of the fact the river hasn’t even crested yet. That isn’t expected to happen until at least Saturday, if not later.

Blimey.

On a positive note, all this is giving the weather forecasters some major excitement. It’s excitement verging on the sexual, judging from the way they’re reporting it. I swear, last night I thought the anchor on Channel 7 was going to French kiss the weather forecaster. And the hot part is, they’re BOTH FEMALE. The male anchor was sitting between them, with that "God, I hope this happens!" look on his face. He totally wanted to be there if it did. I could tell.

I also love the reports from around the city. Those are great! There was one reporter courageously reporting in from somewhere by the huge-ass Victorian house Joan Cusak (and husband) used to live in. I know that because the reporter must have repeated the fact 50 times. Joan (and husband) just moved out a couple of months ago. Joan Cusak’s (and husband) former house lost the huge trees that used to be in front of the house they used to own, now owned by two people who are NOT as important, because they are NOT Joan Cusak (and husband), locally grown, Oscar-nominated actress.

Another gripping moment came later, while the reporter was showing me the same photo of the same toppled tree for the 50th time. An old person WAS TRYING TO CROSS THE STREET. How mournful the reporter looked. She wasn’t sad enough to try to help or anything, just sad enough to say "isn’t this tragic, there’s an old person waiting to cross the street, and there’s all this water and THIS GREAT BIG TREE, HERE, have I showed you that?" Meanwhile the old person stood there, confused and befuddled. She was probably wondering where Joan Cusak was, and if she was okay. Because, gosh, aren’t we all?

But, the creme de la creme, and my personal favorite moment, came when yet another reporter was talking to a woman whose car was crushed by another tree (not the one I saw 50 times). The car was completely ruined, no chance of salvaging it, crushed into oblivion. The reporter distractedly asked the woman a few questions, "How did you feel?" yadda yadda, and the woman stoically responded, "Well, what can I do? I have to laugh." The reporter, obviously tuning her out, replied, "Well, good luck getting your car cleaned up!"

Yeah, good luck with that. Good luck cleaning out the glass and bent metal, because then it’ll obviously be fine and you can drive it away, despite the fact you’ll be trailing this huge-ass tree behind you. But the good news is, that wasn’t JOAN CUSAK’S TREE, so you won’t have these morons following behind  you, taking pictures.

There’s your silver lining.

12 thoughts on “And then the heavens openeth up…

  1. Given that my husband was once in broadcasting, I have to make the point that sometimes the reporter is out, not because there is really news as in the case of “the house formerly belonging to Joan Cusak” but because you aren’t allowed to have extended silence where the camera man’s work would speak far more of the situation than anything else. The broadcast demands a voice-over.
    But, yes, you’d think they would be embarrassed at times.

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  2. Good lord, but this is a funny post, Lisa! I’m from Florida, the state that loves to make Weather News or News Out of Weather. Hurricanes do excite them — nothing more fun than to be on the beach while the Saffir-Simpson scale is recording a massive ‘cane coming ashore. The reporter tries to say, “Well, yes, it’s windy here,” and then a flying piece of driftwood knocks him over and out. And that’s news!
    They’re saddest when not much happens. It’s just a thunderstorm, same old, same old. No roofs ripped off houses, no floods in the street. No bad news, in other words, to report.
    I didn’t know Joan Cusack was married. Does her cute brother show up there much?

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  3. This has been, by far, the weirdest summer I recall in a long, long time. We had record-breaking temperatures and drought, then a month of rain, and then record-breaking temperatures and drought (which we’re still in the midst of). If we could all just share that rain a bit, it would be really nice.
    I’m with Susan, btw. We get a lot of weather drama in Mississippi – it’s par for the course. We had one really funny day that they were anticipating golf-ball sized hail and asking for listeners to call in to the radio station to report any important weather developments. People kept calling to say, “Well, we got a little hail but it wasn’t much,” or “It’s raining cats and dogs,” but no golf-ball sized hail. You could almost hear the guy salivating when someone started talking about hail and the obvious let-down when it was, “Uh, not really anything big.”

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  4. Oh my. I’m going to embarrass myself to my new colleagues by cackling maniacally from my office. Better close the door.
    But not Joan Cusack’s door.

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  5. Wouldn’t you know…We bought our house in Elgin – far from the Fox river – because there was no chance of ever having water in our basement. The very basment we’ve just spent the greater part of this year redoing into a functional, liveable area.
    Little did we know that a creek a mere 5 blocks away would grow to the size of the Fox river and force a ridiculous amount of law enforcement to stand guard along baracades and police tapes to make sure no one would forge their way through this raging water.
    Yes, we’ve been sucking water for days. Yes, we’ve had to cut away rooms full of new drywall and Yes, I still think the whole thing is funny. Why? Because in insurance world they know that a creek will rise and damage the houses of an entire subdivision and they are getting a kick out of specifically stating they will not cover water damage that comes from 5 blocks away – go figure. Joan Cusak got off easy.

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  6. Mortie, I feel your pain. Where I am it’s fine as far as flooding, but we’ve had water issues in the past from other things besides Mother Nature. It’s very ick. Good luck cleaning up.

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  7. Nancy, same here. It’s been a strange, strange summer. For one thing, it hasn’t been as terribly hot as it is most summers. That’s weird. But even more weird is the RAIN. Usually, by this point, we have brown, dead grass that crackles underfoot. I hate that more than almost anything. But this year we’ve had a monsoon. I hesitate to wonder what the winter will bring… Gads.

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  8. Susan, yeah, John Cusak comes to town every now and then. He never calls, nor does he write, but I hear tell he is occasionally in town. I’m not sure if the rest of their family still lives here. Maybe. If so that helps guarantee more John Cusak visits.

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  9. Jill, Oh, I know they have to fill air and they can’t leave any dead space. But it can be an agony listening to the same stuff over and over. I couldn’t do their job. I’ll admit that. I’d be standing there, staring at the camera, wishing something would fall on it. But I can hardly bear to watch the local news, for the very reason I can’t stand to hear the repetition. I guess that’s just how it goes, though. They probably have little choice in the matter, as quickly as they have to move from story to story.

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  10. Harriet, we’re very soggy here in the Colonies right now. Ohio’s gotten it much worse than we have, the poor dears. But we have sun forecast for the next week or so, which helps a lot.

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